He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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