just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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