so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
