Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
