youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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