the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
