Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
