you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
