How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
