Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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