Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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