Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
