Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
