I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
