I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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