Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
