Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
