my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
