I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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