New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
