dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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