In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
