just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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