I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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