Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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