WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
