Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
