maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
