And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
