Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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