Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
