oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize