This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
