my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
