We're facebook friends in real life
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
