it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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