Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
