Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
