All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
