I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
