Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
