Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
