I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
