Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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