At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I could fuck to npr.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
