Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
