I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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