After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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