my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
