Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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