SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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