As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
