Jerry, you need to find god
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
