you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
