he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
