I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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