my vag is so smooth its legendary
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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