Say something about gay babies.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
