Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
