I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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