He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
