The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
