i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
