Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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