I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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