checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
