If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
pray to the hookup gods
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
