Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize