My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize