You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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