i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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