What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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