Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
