Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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