Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize